Jonah Prayer

Yet again I find myself helping out with a youth group despite my recent relocation (granted I grew up in this area). It's my lot in life and something I'm grateful for which God still sees me as being useful. Truth be told, it becomes a return blessing.

Our current series is on Jonah - one of my favorites in the minor prophets due to the number of questions with which he leaves me [1]. This past Sunday we went through Jonah 2, talking about the importance of prayer and the repentant/emergency type that Jonah brought to God. The youth pastor asked the other youth workers to write our own prayers to share, using Jonah's as a model, and passed this task to the kids as well [2].

I had been wracking my brain the past few days trying to get to a mental state where I could even think like second chapter Jonah. I typically mix a lot of song and Scripture in my prayers which causes most of my written prayer to come out in a poetic form. To get the juices flowing, I went to some songs I knew that I had used in my Jonah moments: Wedding Dress by Derek Webb, Second Chances by Needtobreathe, Mystery of Mercy by Andrew Peterson, Lesser Things and Jealous Kind by Jars of Clay, and Breath of God by Dicky Ochoa. These, mixed with a little Hosea (another of my favorites) and Jim Elliot's "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose" [3], and further added to a rough, mostly-sleepless night, brought me to that mindset I needed to break down and bare all. The following is the fruit of my self-induced heartache.

A Vomit-Soaked Prayer from the Beach

My God, my God, why have You accepted me?

Should not traitors die and thieves pay back sevenfold?

And what less have I stolen but time? Blessed time!

That for which the weak crave and infirm pine,

And thus have I squandered,

Whoring myself to lesser gods.

And time – time knowing no reverse –

Passes through me like flour a sieve.

Were You to count that which I have stolen

And require of me that sevenfold return,

That I could not repay less than the whole of me

And still find debt wanting.

I step from what is need to vain desire,

Trading time to waste and peace to fire,

And then I wait for more.

My God, my God, why have You accepted me?

Why call whore “bride” and runner “son”?

What use do You see to encourage Your pursuit?

Yet pursue You still, with unfeigned vigor,

That, when I tire of Your breath on my neck,

I must turn to feel it on my face.

You are the God who does not quit,

The Self-Existent with whom there is no ceasing.

For this I give what is not mine,

That which I would lose and cannot keep,

And receive what I cannot buy,

Cannot make, nor can I find.

This I snatch from You –

As if I thought it be taken back –

Life in death, grace in justice, freedom in chains.

My God, my God, why have You accepted me?

[1] Will he be in the Kingdom? Did he actually die (in sea or 'fish') and was brought back to life? Was he simply allotted his time and mission to make a point much like that in the parable of the prodigal son? etc.

[2] I have a sad feeling we may never see these from the kids (although I don't even know if any of the other youth leaders have written their Jonah prayers yet).

[3] Yes, I am aware that he was just (mis)quoting Philip Henry who said, "He is no fool who parts with what he cannot keep, when he is sure to be recompensed with what he cannot lose."