1. I had various appointments and classes that second full week of September, not to mention my parents returned from their trip (and brought me a lovely soccer jersey for the Scottish national team).
2. The third full week contained a day of intense picking that would have floored Mike and Frank in which I obtained several books, a few old N64 games, and a snowboard I intend to use as a bookshelf in the future. I also attended the highland games in Eminence, KY with my dad (both of us sporting our kilts).
3. Sadly, after returning from the games, we learned that my grandma on my mom's side had been rushed to the hospital with several issues. We were told that there were two options: operate so she 'lives' in a vegetative state for less than a year at most and needs continual fixes, or pump her full of antibiotics and pain killers so she can go out with as little pain as possible sooner.
4. The option taken was the latter. The family took rotating shifts to sit with her and look after her needs more than the hospice workers (for whom we are still very grateful) could. I took a few of these and was glad to spend the time with her even if she was out for most of it. I would sit and knit while I waited (a few hats and most of a thick scarf were finished in this time).
5. On Tuesday, October 4th, the last time anyone had any real chance to talk with her while she was conscious, I was sitting with her. She woke up at one point and asked me where her baby was, saying, "Didn't I have a baby?" When I told her that there wasn't a baby with us, she looked very sad and went back to sleep. The last time I know of that she spoke to anyone was to me as I was putting some gel on her lips to keep them from chapping. She woke up and asked what I was doing. I told her I was putting her makeup on so she would look "right pretty" when she saw grandpa. "And Jesus too," she said. Yes, grandma, and Jesus too.
6. I went out the next day and bought her a soft baby doll so that she would have a baby if she woke up again. It felt silly at the time, but I also felt I should do it.
7. Grandma passed on through the morning of the 10th. The visitation was the next day and my male cousins and I were pallbearers the day after that. It was more like a family reunion. There wasn't much crying or sorrow as we knew it was coming far enough ahead and we knew she was ready.
8. I lay the doll in the coffin beside her. One of her sisters then mentioned that it was interesting that grandma had asked about the baby. Grandpa had as well when he was dying. We then found out that my mom, thought to be one of eight, was actually supposed to have been one of nine. A baby was lost before she (and her sisters as mom was a triplet) was born. Grandma had never talked about it and the few who knew never brought it up for her sake. I'm glad I gave her that doll.
9. On the 13th I woke up to a text message from my best friend down in our college town. He had an extra ticket to go see David Crowder*Band's final tour in Lawrence, Kansas and he and his mom (who I'd gladly claim as well) wanted me to go with them. I missed them both dearly and needed the trip so I set out for Murray the next day to head out to the land of Dorothy and Toto.
10. I got down to Murray early and just managed to catch the dearest boy I know to give him something, chat him up, and get in a good hug.
11. We finally managed to leave Murray around 8:30-ish at night (don't ask). The trip went fairly well except we learned that many of the gas stations (and their bathrooms) close up late at night around St. Louis. I think I may have hurt myself slightly by holding it so long because I had some pain/bloating/urgency/other issues the next day too.
12. We learned another good lesson that night: call ahead to make room reservations because the town you decide to stop at will just so happen to be having homecoming that weekend and all of the rooms will be booked when you come rolling in at 2:30am. All blessing be to God that we found a room and - even though it was a smoking room at a flea-bag motel - it wasn't that bad for a few winks and several nighttime trips to the loo.
13. We got to repeat that lesson the next day when we ended up being forced to take the last room available in Lawrence thanks to a KU/OU game we didn't know about. Thankfully we got this room. Unfortunately it had a malfunctioning A/C (seemed to make the room hotter honestly), a non-functioning drain (until I showed off why I have a degree in engineering), and various other problems like exposed wiring (it was a HoJo and the room wasn't supposed to be let as they're remodeling right now). We survived.
14. The concert was amazing and it was much better with my best friend and my adopt-a-mom. We're not sure how we feel about John Mark McMillan (odd sound issues for his set where we were sitting 0n the third row left) and Chris August has talent - just not in songwriting (having worked youth ministry I can safely say he writes like a teenage boy). Gungor impressed all of us but even more impressive was his bass-playing, jaw-drop-inducing vocal percussionist named Kevin (who is currently on The Sing Off and you should vote for his group - note that I do not actually watch this show). Then the DC*B took the stage and what was up to that point a concert became a family worship session. I hadn't seen them live since before Illuminate was out and it was hard to believe they could have improved on back then but it was a much blessed time. Again, it wasn't just the music, it was the atmosphere - the focus on God Most High. Yes it was great to hear that they'd come up with nine more bluegrass songs (that I think may be another EP before or after their final album by how they mentioned it), but it's the lyrical content of those songs that mattered, such as remaking the old hymn "Because He Lives."
15. After the concert we had meet and greet passes so we got to walk by, talk a little to the band, shake hands, and get our vinyls of Church Music signed (for those kids out there who think that vinyls are the protective covers that keep their mattresses dry, ask your parents what I'm actually talking about). The best part of this for me was that there was a hold up in the line behind me so I got to talk to David (possibly one of the friendliest men on the face of the earth, especially considering he had just played an amazing set and was probably tired) Crowder for an extended period of time and thank him for all of the years of encouraging tunes.
16. The next day we hit up the Kansas City Renn Faire on the way back. Pretty nifty and good times with my friends.
17. We finally rolled into Murray around 3am Monday. I got to have a great talk with my friend's mom - informative and encouraging. I had forgotten to mention above that I had broken up with my girlfriend during the past month as well - it hurt a bit but it needed to be done. This was some of what we talked about on that long ride home. I needed that and I am so thankful for her sage wisdom and strong Christian stance.
18. Yesterday, I took some lunch up to my friend's office and we ate together before I had to head home. It was great to get to see and talk to him in person one last time before leaving. It was also great to stuff our faces with sushi from our favorite place. Thanks again, man, for an awesome weekend!
19. I drove the long trek home bringing my TORT - time on road total - for those four days to approximately 28 hours while listening to Connie Willis' Doomsday Book (the first in her amazing time travel series).
There are surely several things I've left out of the above but they're all quite fuzzy now. Anyway, I'll leave you with the following that I wrote one night while grandma was still in the hospital. I was talking to a friend and it was relating to the subject of intimacy with God being intertwined with our knowledge of God and His Word. I felt a fire burning in my chest and this came out of the passion I had as I reflected on my King of kings and Lord of lords. This came in the midst of what seemed to be chaos - a reminder of to Whom I belong, the One to see me through it all.
We are so incredibly blessed to bear witness to a God who actually wants to have something to do with us! We have a Father, He sets a standard - an image of glory and righteousness and power for us to grow into - and doesn't expect anything less of us. We have a Brother, He both sets an example of that image and provides the means for us to go in that way by taking the eternal suffering that we've caused (in sins of commission but also in sins of omission), and thus deserve, upon Himself. He appeases that rightful wrath and makes things right between us and the Father once more so that the Spirit can come to us - so that what was sinful can live in the presence of a righteous God. We have a Spirit, He (not just 'it') prepares and leads our hearts and minds to grow in the image of the Father that was exemplified by the Son. He constantly points us to and allows us to learn about the Son who Himself points us to and allows us to learn about the Father (and He has given us to learn from the Spirit and the Son - to know Them and thus know Him). We have a God who wants to be known, not just by us but also in us - bringing out that image from what we've hidden it behind. They, which is He, has made all creation with a (glorious/beautiful/genius/these words are all falling short) ability to reflect aspects of, and thus point us back to, Him. And He has sought to make us chief of these reflectors - the full-length mirror - His image! He has done the impossible - taking what is broken and making it whole, taking what is warring and making it peace, taking what could never work, could never be useful, could never be and making it live! And as I think about this I realize that the God of the great paradoxes has made me one as well. As I am both empowered yet humbled, enlightened yet realizing my foolishness, encouraged yet aware of where I fall short. And all I can think is holy, holy, holy is YHWH, our God Almighty, Who was and is and is to come! Glory be unto the Father! Glory be unto the Son! Glory be unto the Spirit! Glory be unto the Three-in-One! He has revealed Himself that we might know Him and, in knowing Him, share with Him in His glory! He does not need us, existing in and of Himself in that glorious community of the Godhead. Yet He still chooses to create us, to struggle with us, to make a way for us, and to dwell with us forever. Truly He is great, and truly He is God!I want to thank Him so much that, in these tough times, that's who He still is - His self-existence ensuring that He is not changed by our circumstance (what more He can be recognized in these times for that very reason). He is so good to us and it's His choice, not His obligation. Praise, praise, praise to the Thrice Holy King!
