30 Days of Thanks - Day 6 - Childhood Trauma

I know that I have blogged before about my childhood but I wanted to give a special salute to childhood trauma in general. I believe that those horrid experiences can be used to help us develop into uniquely gifted adults. They allow us to develop the endurance, knowledge, skills, and compassion to help others along the path. A weakness or fear due to past experiences can even be transformed into a strength later in life. I am reminded of when Rabbit tried to rid Tigger of his bounce, which he saw as a nuisance, only to be rescued by that same thing when it was adjusted and used for a noble purpose [1]. I am not suggesting that the trauma is good, but that good can come from it. Such traumas can also give you an idea about the present mental and psychological state of the child such as in the example that follows.

Recently, Jimmy Kimmel asked parents to film their kids as they were told that mom and/or dad ate all of their Halloween candy. He thought this would be funny, it turned out to be both traumatic and comical. The results also tell a lot about the kids. You can actually predict, to some degree, how these kids will end up. Here is the clip followed by brief synopses [2] and commentary.

Kids #1 and 2 (aka Woody and Buzz): Kid #1 drops to the floor in shocked exasperation as Kid #2 is already whining before being told his candy is gone as well, at which point he hides his face behind the couch. These kids share in each other's pain. Kid #1 is a dramatic type and will end up being the expressive sort. Kid #2 will be the quieter, more reserved type, but ultimately the one who will offer you a shoulder on which to cry. I am predicting that he may play wing-man to his brother in the future.

Kid #3 (aka Your Whiny Neighborhood Spider-Fan): He collapses with his Spiderman pail and a shocked expression on his face, then sits on the floor and cries with his head down. Kid #3 reminds me of some kids I played soccer with when I was little. When life is unkind, sit down and cry. You will still get a trophy and you get to check out for a bit while other people take care of the work. A little dramatic but ultimately he will grow up to join the ranks of the 'normal' folk.

Kid #4 (aka Delayed Reaction Boy): This boy takes a bit to long to process what has been said before flinging himself back into a high pitched squeal and stressed expression. I am fairly certain that this kid was already in on it all and was just doing something so mom could put it on YouTube. This kid will be a fine actor once he learns proper timing.

Kids #5 and 6 (aka Wrapper-Toss Girl and Mild Disappointment Boy): The girl asks where the candy is, sees the pile of wrappers in front of her dad and starts weeping before she even makes it to the table. The boy does not really seem to care but has a slight frown. The girl then throws the wrappers at her dad. Kid #5 will end up in some fights as she grows up. She expresses herself physically and does not seem to understand appropriate reactions. She has a high level of vengeance. Kid #6 will be okay. He seems to have already worked out in his mind that the situation does not make sense. His bigger concern is: "Why are our parents doing this to us?" He will grow up with some gap of trust with his parents but able to sort things out fairly well. He has developed a healthy dose of skepticism.

Kid #7 (aka Seriously, How Old Is This Kid? Will The Other Middle School Boys Tease Him About This?): This boy looks shocked, goes over to check his candy bag on the bed, and then slams his face into the sheets in bitter tears. He turns around, leans his head back, and wails in agony. My main concern here is that the boy does not appear to be THAT young. I would guess at least the sixth grade. Granted, the early hormones of oncoming puberty do lead to some interesting waterworks at times, but this kid is deeply hurt that his candy has been eaten. He never even questions the logic of the situation and he does not even try to twist it to his advantage. This kid is going to be pushed around quite a lot as he grows up. I am slightly worried that this will just further a victim mentality in this kid.

Kid #8 (aka That Was A Funny Trick Girl): This girl has a mildly unhappy face but then laughs when told it was all a trick. Kid #8 will be able to handle whatever life throws at her. She has a genuinely happy outlook and does not mind a few tricks. She likes to be able to laugh along and will do well.

Kid #9 (aka I Hate My Mom Girl): Girl runs away from her camera-happy mom who tries to justify it saying, "You know I like candy." When asked if she still loves her mom, she replies in the negative. This girl is going to have some serious trust issues with her mom, which may not be a bad thing considering how much her mom seems to enjoy this. I have a feeling this instance may induce the skepticism she needs to deal with the rest of life.

Kid #10 (aka I Have A Secret Stash Boy): The kid replies with a not-so-much-shocked-as-confused "What?" then rolls his eyes as his mom tries to explain that she gets really hungry since she is pregnant (kind of a "I've heard this before"). He then smiles, laughs, and goes off to his secret stash of Nerds. This kid I am not so sure about. On the one hand it seems that he can roll with the punches and be prepared in any situation - a cool kid who will do well. On the other hand he displays some remarkable similarities to a drug addict.

Kid # 11 (aka That Will Teach That Wall And Piece of Paper Boy): Kid slaps the wall and throws a piece of paper on the ground as he storms off angry. This kid is on the same road to anger-management as Kid #5.

Kids #12 and 13 (aka Sleepy Boy and Critic Girl): The boy just 'sleeps' through all of this but the girl shouts, cries, and tells her dad that he is ugly. The boy will continue in life as a disaffected teenager, then a disaffected college student, then a disaffected grad, etc. The girl will continue to deal with her anger (and situations that do not make her happy) by insulting them, thus trying to self-justify. Good luck with that one, parents.

Kids #14 and 15 (aka Math Prodigy and Are We Sure He Is Not A Teenager?): This one deserves a full transcript:

Mom - I ate all your candy. You have no-no more Halloween candy left.

14 - (Slightly whiny as he continues to scratch his belly.) What?

15 - (Lounging with his arms behind his head.) She ate it! The heck!? (Exasperated sigh.)

14 - Ahhhh . . .

Mom - Don't you guys think you ate enough candy last night?

15 - No! I only had like one bite of candy. Are you serious!? And then you ate the rest.

15 - (After an angry pause. Now with sarcasm!) Oh, good for you! Now you're gonna have-probably get a belly ache. (Pause.) That's why you shouldn't eat so much candy. Mom, that's two!

Mom - Two what?

15 - Two bags of candy.

14 - (Started while 15 was still talking.) Two plus two is-(pause to look at brother who just finished speaking, as 14 holds four fingers up)-Two plus two is (brother leans over to whisper to him) equals five!

15 - It's really four. You did - you were so close. (film break)

15 - Did you see how much I had? I went to a lot of houses.

Mom - I know. I ate it all, it tasted so good, especially the peanut butter cups.

14 - (Gasp of realization as 15 lifts his eyebrows.) YOU SNEAKY MOM!

These boys are going to be fine. #15 is definitely a little man as is. He makes sure to take care of and encourage his little brother. He has also mastered the art of sarcasm. I am mildly surprised that he did not make a comment about his mom's weight after the belly ache remark. The little brother is sweet and able to brush off things as they come. He also just enjoys being a part of the situation. These boys really deserve their own sitcom.

Although I am thankful for crazy things in my childhood that have brought me to where I am today, I really just wanted to share and comment on that video. I am thankful to Savannah for introducing me to the video, it gave me some good laughs and some things to analyze. I am also thankful that I have time to write this tonight (Saturday) and set it up to post tomorrow (Sunday) as I will be extremely busy then (teaching middle school Sunday School, church, Go Orange, eat/reorganize time, middle school youth, high school youth, talk to other youth leaders, get home late). At least I get an extra hour of sleep before that. Have a joyful Sunday!

PS - Yes, I know this is not a letter, but I came across something before I actually posted this. I do not want to call it an edit so much as an addendum. I found the original video of the last two boys. It serves to show that these kids figured their mom was a trickster but the kid in red is kind of sweet and concerned about his mom. He is actually pretty chill and logical. His mom may be dealing with another me - poor woman. At least they got some laughs out of it.

[1] Current reading: The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff.

[2] I'm afraid that this will disappear from YouTube after awhile.

30 Days of Thanks - Day 5 - Grandma

The woman above is my last surviving grandparent. She has had three kids who gave her eight grandchildren in addition to other great- and even great-great-grandchildren. She has spent her life taking care of people - always remembering birthdays, playing Yahtzee with us when we were little, and helping us to keep up with the rest of the family. She has also lived without her beloved husband since before I was born. No one has ever heard her say a profane word - though she spelled one once (and she smelled it before that) - despite having to put up with the rest of us. She even refrained from killing my dad when he did stupid things as a kid. I am thankful for my grandma. She is an example of patience, endurance, and loving-kindness.

Oh, and she does not seem to mind us calling her "G."

30 Days of Thanks - Day 4 - NoiseTrade

I enjoy music. LOTS of music of many diverse genres. I especially enjoy music that defies a singular genre specification (such as much of David Crowder*Band's discography).

I am also cheap. I do not like to spend a lot of money on music (or anything other than books for that matter) especially when I am attempting to discover something new that I like.

This is where that beautiful website NoiseTrade enters into my life.

NoiseTrade is a lovely little slice of the Net that offers music for 'free' - legally. Various artists post their work there for 'free' download either in an attempt to drum up a new fan base, reward current fans, or just stick it to 'the man' and 'his' ways of holding artists down. I say 'free' because you do actually have to give them some information. Specifically you give them your e-mail (where they will send the download link) and your zip code. This has another benefit of getting you signed up for the band's mailing list and letting you know when they will be near you for a concert. I know that idea does not thrill most people but you can also easily opt out of the list when they send something to you.

The neat thing about this is that you can preview all of the tracks first so that you know you want them, you can share your find through various social media to help promote artists you like, and - if you really appreciate the music - you can leave the artist a tip from $1-100. So you get great music, a way to connect to the artists you like, and a way to share your passions while only offering up information that is readily available online anyway.

I am thankful for NoiseTrade because it helps to fulfill the nifty things mentioned above and it has helped me to find great artists like The Vespers and Josh Garrels.

30 Days of Thanks - Day 3 - The Vespers

Quite a few months ago I downloaded an album from Noisetrade titled Tell Your Mama and promptly forgot about it for a few weeks. I came across this gem in my music folder again in August when I was looking for some music to put on my mp3 player for when I walked. I was enamored by the beauty, quirk, and charm provided by the extremely talented set of two sibling pairs. Their lyrics had both depth and simplicity. Their music captured a sweet piece of American folk. They had spirit and they had steam, thus they were a band with which I identified. They were The Vespers and I was greatly blessed to run across their album.

I was additionally blessed to be able to attend a show they had at Natasha's Bistro & Bar in Lexington, KY back in September. Flat out amazing stage presence. They were worth going to see just to gain a true appreciation for the skill and soul that Phoebe, Callie, Bruno, and Taylor were putting into each piece. It was also a great experience as, being a small venue, they were able to come out and talk with us after the show. I found them to be genuine people - not big headed - wanting to socialize with the crowd and even express appreciation for our being a part of that concert experience.

I got to speak with Bruno and Phoebe the most, both of whom I found to be good-hearted, friendly, and joyful people. They were real, they had depth, and if I had not have had to leave as quickly, I would have loved to have spent more time chatting. Phoebe was a genuinely interesting person to talk to and one of those people who really made the effort to let God shine through her -beautiful inside and out. But I digress. There was life there that night that I usually do not find at concerts.

Another thing that I appreciate about The Vespers is related to what Bruno posted on Noisetrade when people were discussing if they should be referred to as a 'Christian band':

Thanks for the love yall! We don't label ourselves as a Christian band strictly... then we would only be playing for 'Christians'. We follow Christ, and play for all. It's music... Wires, wood, and words... Doesn't need a brand name. We did coin the term Indiecana 2 years ago in an interview however. before Mumford and Sons were famous. ;) ... Much love, please keep spreading the word! -Bruno from The Vespers.

They are Christians but they are not rushing headlong for the pitfalls of being a 'Christian band'. Their music conveys a spiritual depth and truth but they do not limit it to one audience. They can actually reach with it because of that. They can play in bars to people who would never show up to a 'Christian' concert. I admire this mission model of being inclusively Christian, not exclusively 'Christian'.

In addition to all of this, I like their website. It is laid out well, informative, and full of fun extras like videos, a movie mail-in program, and a store that features Phoebe's handmade flower hair clips (seriously, she is multi-talented). They also have a new free single up for grabs.

I say all of this and then want to ask that you support this great band by helping with their Kickstarter campaign: We need help paying our dues. If they meet their goal, we get to see another great album from this band titled "The Fourth Wall" and help them to maintain artistic control (read as: freedom from a label telling them what to sing). There are some great rewards for backers too so at least check it out. Thank you!

30 Days of Thanks - Day 2 - Sushi

I recognize that this next one may make some readers cringe. The idea of eating anything raw is bothersome to a portion of society. Another, smaller subset hates seafood anyway. Put these together and you have people running to Cracker Barrel for 'safer' options. Raw seafood just does not match the taste codes and comforting thought qualifications for certain individuals.

I am not one of those individuals. I cannot go as far as claiming to be an addict, but if sushi is an option on the menu, my inclination is to order it and to try as many varieties as I can.

My affection for sushi started back in college. I had eaten sushi before but the opportunities were few and far between. Two years or so before I graduated, a Jasmine restaurant opened in town. Before long I discovered their sushi selections (not as well known at first, overshadowed by the popularity of their Thai lunch specials) and the place became a favorite. As time went on, even one of the school cafeterias started carrying boxes of their rolls. For my last year of college I had sushi for breakfast nearly every morning.

Now you may be wondering: sushi . . . for breakfast? But I assure you, it was a great source of protein and a tasty way to start the day. I'm not much for typical breakfast foods anyway. Rolls stuffed with crab, salmon, and tuna provided me with the energy to think, work, and tackle the engineering physics and secondary education curriculum to which I was subjecting myself. As such, I was thankful for the nutrients and the delicious flavor.

I have another reason to be thankful for sushi. I eventually got one of my friends hooked. We added sushi to our Sunday between church routine as we had already done with swinging by Book and Bean for coffee. It was a great way to spend time with a friend and to connect over a common gustatory interest. One time I showed up early for lunch and snagged us a table. As he came in and looked around for me, one of the waitresses came up to him and said, "Are you looking for someone? Is it a boy?" This quickly became our little joke for the restaurant and we made sure to invite other people with us in the future to avoid confusion of that sort.

Sushi is not only a nutrient-provider and delight to my taste buds, but it also holds a key to many fond memories such as the one above. As such, I am thankful for sushi. I am thankful for the rolls, the nigiri, the maki, the inari, the oshi, and the sashimi.

I'm just not thankful for the ikura (salmon roe). That stuff is like saltwater with skin. Seriously, kids, stay away from it.

A roll and nigirisushi combo from Jasmine.

A chirashisushi, nigirisushi, and sashimi combo from Jasmine.

30 Days of Thanks - Day 1 - Being A Knit-Wit

I know, I know. I am being overly ambitious about my ability to post every day, but I would like to take November - the month containing the lovely holiday known as Thanksgiving - to write some mini-reflections on things for which I am thankful. It is a fun way to remind yourself of the blessings you have and connect it all to a commonly shared [1] event, thus demonstrating the net's powers of mind control by 'inspiring' others to do the same.

With that said, one of the first things I am thankful for is the gift of knitting [2].

I first learned to knit about two-and-a-half years ago when I was searching for my first job after college. I had spent five years in a constant state of activity and I did not have a lot to keep me busy while I waited for call-backs on job applications. While walking through Wal-Mart's craft section with a friend (I think he was looking for tie-dye) I saw the Knifty Knitter Round Loom Set and mentioned to him that I was thinking about picking the hobby up to have something to do and feel productive. I thought he would laugh it off but then he told me that he would teach me how to really knit. Turns out my friend was some sort of award winning knitter back home. We picked up some needles and yarn before heading back to the house I was living in at the time. That night he showed me the basics.

I went back out to get the looms the next day [3] as I preferred both the ease and the fact that you can pop out a nice hat in the time it takes to watch a movie. It has been over two years since I first picked up the craft and I have actually come to the point of forgetting how many hats (and scarves) that I have made. I took or have obtained a few photos of my creations which I will post below.

This skill has been a major blessing, especially since I have been on the job search again. It gives me something that I can do that is productive, can be done along with other things, and that can be used to bless people with some heart-made gifts. It is something simple that I can do to make people feel special while providing for a basic need. As time has gone by it has also sparked more creativity on my part. Involving more colors (or color swapping for stripes), the use of more threads for each row, attachments, decorative stitching, reversible layers, pom-poms, and other add-ons to create some nifty utilitarian art.

I have found that another blessing has come from those to whom I give these creations. Unlike some adult friends (none pictured) who seem to immediately ask for a price [4], my kids seem to immediately understand that these are gifts. Because of this they teach me an important spiritual lesson. They know they cannot compensate me so they do not try, they just enjoy the gift - they use it, they appreciate it. This is something that I need to remember to do with the gifts God gives to me. I can never repay Him. That would be beyond my ability. I must receive with thanks and put these gifts to good use.

Marshall rockin' the first hat I ever made (with Josh making lunch or something).

Kyle rockin' the second hat I ever made.

H.L. rockin' the third hat I ever made. I actually experimented with using two strands of yarn instead of just one for a thicker hat. This soon became my basic hat method.

Some of my friends' kids used a scarf I made for them on a snowman while wearing the matching hat. This scarf was a tube scarf made with a hat loom before I actually bought the long loom for making scarves.

Made a very small hat for my friends' very small daughter. I do not know why it looks like the sides are sticking out like cat ears though.

One of a set of matching green and blue striped pom-pom hats for some friends' daughters. My first time making pom-poms.

Several other projects had been made during and after the time shown above, I just never got pictures.

One of my recent projects that was inspired by a comment by a friend was to make some reversible hats of the four ghosts from Pac-Man (clockwise from left: Pinky, Inky, Blinks, and Clyde):

Which flip inside out to become the ghosts after Pac-Man eats a power pellet.

And, again, other hats came after these. At some point I began to experiment more with decorative stitching (embroidery) on the hats. This was my most recent project. It features a red fig tree with green figs and has Proverbs 27:18 as the trunk with John 1:47-51 under the branches. It took a long time (triple-threaded and then the time it took to weave all of that on), but you can tell from the verses that I think highly of the kid who received it - something tells me that boy is going to change the world (something else tells me he has already started).

[1] At least it is in the U.S.

[2] At this point I would like to remind readers that I am, in fact, a man and am, in fact, only interested in women - REAL women.

[3] He was actually a great teacher, I just never could seem to get it going right or fast enough for my tastes.

[4] Note: I have no qualms against doing a paid commission piece. However, I will not take on more than I can handle, I will not promise that any piece will be done by some specific time (I have to say this as I don't want to receive an order in the middle of December for five hats that need to be to someone by Christmas), and I will not make the Pac-Man ghost hats for sale as that would be a copyright nightmare. I also will not recreate the fig tree hat as that was something that was made for a certain person. Furthermore, I have no intention of starting a business from this so please understand that I may not respond like a business to everyone who submits a request to the 'Contact Me' section on the sidebar and it may take me some time to figure out how to set up some method of payment.

Before I forget: I do not own Pac-Man or the ghosts, I just made some fun hats that I did not sell. Namco owns those entities as far as I know.

One (Crazy) Month

I apologize for not updating for over a month. Though I do not know if I have any regular readers to whom I should apologize, I am extending that apology to myself. I have a bank of half-finished posts that I can't remember why I started writing in the first place, I have ideas for posts that I've been wanting to do with several more that I've forgotten by now, and I quite enjoy writing as it helps me to process life. As a matter of fact, it's that life which has gotten in the way for the past month. I don't wish to bore anyone with the details but to give you an idea I'll borrow the list format that my friend Savannah uses on her blog.

1. I had various appointments and classes that second full week of September, not to mention my parents returned from their trip (and brought me a lovely soccer jersey for the Scottish national team).

2. The third full week contained a day of intense picking that would have floored Mike and Frank in which I obtained several books, a few old N64 games, and a snowboard I intend to use as a bookshelf in the future. I also attended the highland games in Eminence, KY with my dad (both of us sporting our kilts).

3. Sadly, after returning from the games, we learned that my grandma on my mom's side had been rushed to the hospital with several issues. We were told that there were two options: operate so she 'lives' in a vegetative state for less than a year at most and needs continual fixes, or pump her full of antibiotics and pain killers so she can go out with as little pain as possible sooner.

4. The option taken was the latter. The family took rotating shifts to sit with her and look after her needs more than the hospice workers (for whom we are still very grateful) could. I took a few of these and was glad to spend the time with her even if she was out for most of it. I would sit and knit while I waited (a few hats and most of a thick scarf were finished in this time).

5. On Tuesday, October 4th, the last time anyone had any real chance to talk with her while she was conscious, I was sitting with her. She woke up at one point and asked me where her baby was, saying, "Didn't I have a baby?" When I told her that there wasn't a baby with us, she looked very sad and went back to sleep. The last time I know of that she spoke to anyone was to me as I was putting some gel on her lips to keep them from chapping. She woke up and asked what I was doing. I told her I was putting her makeup on so she would look "right pretty" when she saw grandpa. "And Jesus too," she said. Yes, grandma, and Jesus too.

6. I went out the next day and bought her a soft baby doll so that she would have a baby if she woke up again. It felt silly at the time, but I also felt I should do it.

7. Grandma passed on through the morning of the 10th. The visitation was the next day and my male cousins and I were pallbearers the day after that. It was more like a family reunion. There wasn't much crying or sorrow as we knew it was coming far enough ahead and we knew she was ready.

8. I lay the doll in the coffin beside her. One of her sisters then mentioned that it was interesting that grandma had asked about the baby. Grandpa had as well when he was dying. We then found out that my mom, thought to be one of eight, was actually supposed to have been one of nine. A baby was lost before she (and her sisters as mom was a triplet) was born. Grandma had never talked about it and the few who knew never brought it up for her sake. I'm glad I gave her that doll.

9. On the 13th I woke up to a text message from my best friend down in our college town. He had an extra ticket to go see David Crowder*Band's final tour in Lawrence, Kansas and he and his mom (who I'd gladly claim as well) wanted me to go with them. I missed them both dearly and needed the trip so I set out for Murray the next day to head out to the land of Dorothy and Toto.

10. I got down to Murray early and just managed to catch the dearest boy I know to give him something, chat him up, and get in a good hug.

11. We finally managed to leave Murray around 8:30-ish at night (don't ask). The trip went fairly well except we learned that many of the gas stations (and their bathrooms) close up late at night around St. Louis. I think I may have hurt myself slightly by holding it so long because I had some pain/bloating/urgency/other issues the next day too.

12. We learned another good lesson that night: call ahead to make room reservations because the town you decide to stop at will just so happen to be having homecoming that weekend and all of the rooms will be booked when you come rolling in at 2:30am. All blessing be to God that we found a room and - even though it was a smoking room at a flea-bag motel - it wasn't that bad for a few winks and several nighttime trips to the loo.

13. We got to repeat that lesson the next day when we ended up being forced to take the last room available in Lawrence thanks to a KU/OU game we didn't know about. Thankfully we got this room. Unfortunately it had a malfunctioning A/C (seemed to make the room hotter honestly), a non-functioning drain (until I showed off why I have a degree in engineering), and various other problems like exposed wiring (it was a HoJo and the room wasn't supposed to be let as they're remodeling right now). We survived.

14. The concert was amazing and it was much better with my best friend and my adopt-a-mom. We're not sure how we feel about John Mark McMillan (odd sound issues for his set where we were sitting 0n the third row left) and Chris August has talent - just not in songwriting (having worked youth ministry I can safely say he writes like a teenage boy). Gungor impressed all of us but even more impressive was his bass-playing, jaw-drop-inducing vocal percussionist named Kevin (who is currently on The Sing Off and you should vote for his group - note that I do not actually watch this show). Then the DC*B took the stage and what was up to that point a concert became a family worship session. I hadn't seen them live since before Illuminate was out and it was hard to believe they could have improved on back then but it was a much blessed time. Again, it wasn't just the music, it was the atmosphere - the focus on God Most High. Yes it was great to hear that they'd come up with nine more bluegrass songs (that I think may be another EP before or after their final album by how they mentioned it), but it's the lyrical content of those songs that mattered, such as remaking the old hymn "Because He Lives."

15. After the concert we had meet and greet passes so we got to walk by, talk a little to the band, shake hands, and get our vinyls of Church Music signed (for those kids out there who think that vinyls are the protective covers that keep their mattresses dry, ask your parents what I'm actually talking about). The best part of this for me was that there was a hold up in the line behind me so I got to talk to David (possibly one of the friendliest men on the face of the earth, especially considering he had just played an amazing set and was probably tired) Crowder for an extended period of time and thank him for all of the years of encouraging tunes.

16. The next day we hit up the Kansas City Renn Faire on the way back. Pretty nifty and good times with my friends.

17. We finally rolled into Murray around 3am Monday. I got to have a great talk with my friend's mom - informative and encouraging. I had forgotten to mention above that I had broken up with my girlfriend during the past month as well - it hurt a bit but it needed to be done. This was some of what we talked about on that long ride home. I needed that and I am so thankful for her sage wisdom and strong Christian stance.

18. Yesterday, I took some lunch up to my friend's office and we ate together before I had to head home. It was great to get to see and talk to him in person one last time before leaving. It was also great to stuff our faces with sushi from our favorite place. Thanks again, man, for an awesome weekend!

19. I drove the long trek home bringing my TORT - time on road total - for those four days to approximately 28 hours while listening to Connie Willis' Doomsday Book (the first in her amazing time travel series).

There are surely several things I've left out of the above but they're all quite fuzzy now. Anyway, I'll leave you with the following that I wrote one night while grandma was still in the hospital. I was talking to a friend and it was relating to the subject of intimacy with God being intertwined with our knowledge of God and His Word. I felt a fire burning in my chest and this came out of the passion I had as I reflected on my King of kings and Lord of lords. This came in the midst of what seemed to be chaos - a reminder of to Whom I belong, the One to see me through it all.

We are so incredibly blessed to bear witness to a God who actually wants to have something to do with us! We have a Father, He sets a standard - an image of glory and righteousness and power for us to grow into - and doesn't expect anything less of us. We have a Brother, He both sets an example of that image and provides the means for us to go in that way by taking the eternal suffering that we've caused (in sins of commission but also in sins of omission), and thus deserve, upon Himself. He appeases that rightful wrath and makes things right between us and the Father once more so that the Spirit can come to us - so that what was sinful can live in the presence of a righteous God. We have a Spirit, He (not just 'it') prepares and leads our hearts and minds to grow in the image of the Father that was exemplified by the Son. He constantly points us to and allows us to learn about the Son who Himself points us to and allows us to learn about the Father (and He has given us to learn from the Spirit and the Son - to know Them and thus know Him). We have a God who wants to be known, not just by us but also in us - bringing out that image from what we've hidden it behind. They, which is He, has made all creation with a (glorious/beautiful/genius/these words are all falling short) ability to reflect aspects of, and thus point us back to, Him. And He has sought to make us chief of these reflectors - the full-length mirror - His image! He has done the impossible - taking what is broken and making it whole, taking what is warring and making it peace, taking what could never work, could never be useful, could never be and making it live! And as I think about this I realize that the God of the great paradoxes has made me one as well. As I am both empowered yet humbled, enlightened yet realizing my foolishness, encouraged yet aware of where I fall short. And all I can think is holy, holy, holy is YHWH, our God Almighty, Who was and is and is to come! Glory be unto the Father! Glory be unto the Son! Glory be unto the Spirit! Glory be unto the Three-in-One! He has revealed Himself that we might know Him and, in knowing Him, share with Him in His glory! He does not need us, existing in and of Himself in that glorious community of the Godhead. Yet He still chooses to create us, to struggle with us, to make a way for us, and to dwell with us forever. Truly He is great, and truly He is God!

I want to thank Him so much that, in these tough times, that's who He still is - His self-existence ensuring that He is not changed by our circumstance (what more He can be recognized in these times for that very reason). He is so good to us and it's His choice, not His obligation. Praise, praise, praise to the Thrice Holy King!

Back to School Headband/Clip Giveaway at 3 Peanuts!

So I'm posting this for another entry at the contest because my parents have a neighbor with the most adorable little girl who would look stunning with a 'Brooke' headband from the Bella Reese Boutique (who is supplying the contest prize).

3 Peanuts, a blog that I check every few days (because she updates far more than any other blog I read - true story), has a little contest/giveaway running through Sunday (that's 9/11/11 when the contest ends). Basically, if you'll leave a comment on her site at the related post with the headband/clip style you want/love, you get an entry. She'll use random.org (another lovely site) to pick a winner Sunday and I guess contact you afterward (although I'd keep an eye on her blog in case there's an issue and she can't). You can get bonus entries by posting about it on your blog (like I'm doing), liking the boutiques facebook page (I'll never live that down), and following the 3 Peanuts blog (highly recommended).

I'd wish you good luck but I want to win so . . .

For those wondering why I'm wanting to win a headband for the neighbors' kid and reading family blogs, it's because I still hold out that lovely hope of being a dad someday and if I can't be one right now, then I can at least spoil someone else's kid! It's kind of like placating (and educating) your own need to nurture others. This need tends to grow when I notice lots of friends announcing their marriages and pregnancies. Granted, I'm only 25, but so are they (or younger). I guess that makes the current checklist:

_ - Find job.

_ - Find wife.

_ - Make/Adopt children.

_ - Become a superhero.

_ - Get old.

_ - Die.

Jonah Prayer

Yet again I find myself helping out with a youth group despite my recent relocation (granted I grew up in this area). It's my lot in life and something I'm grateful for which God still sees me as being useful. Truth be told, it becomes a return blessing.

Our current series is on Jonah - one of my favorites in the minor prophets due to the number of questions with which he leaves me [1]. This past Sunday we went through Jonah 2, talking about the importance of prayer and the repentant/emergency type that Jonah brought to God. The youth pastor asked the other youth workers to write our own prayers to share, using Jonah's as a model, and passed this task to the kids as well [2].

I had been wracking my brain the past few days trying to get to a mental state where I could even think like second chapter Jonah. I typically mix a lot of song and Scripture in my prayers which causes most of my written prayer to come out in a poetic form. To get the juices flowing, I went to some songs I knew that I had used in my Jonah moments: Wedding Dress by Derek Webb, Second Chances by Needtobreathe, Mystery of Mercy by Andrew Peterson, Lesser Things and Jealous Kind by Jars of Clay, and Breath of God by Dicky Ochoa. These, mixed with a little Hosea (another of my favorites) and Jim Elliot's "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose" [3], and further added to a rough, mostly-sleepless night, brought me to that mindset I needed to break down and bare all. The following is the fruit of my self-induced heartache.

A Vomit-Soaked Prayer from the Beach

My God, my God, why have You accepted me?

Should not traitors die and thieves pay back sevenfold?

And what less have I stolen but time? Blessed time!

That for which the weak crave and infirm pine,

And thus have I squandered,

Whoring myself to lesser gods.

And time – time knowing no reverse –

Passes through me like flour a sieve.

Were You to count that which I have stolen

And require of me that sevenfold return,

That I could not repay less than the whole of me

And still find debt wanting.

I step from what is need to vain desire,

Trading time to waste and peace to fire,

And then I wait for more.

My God, my God, why have You accepted me?

Why call whore “bride” and runner “son”?

What use do You see to encourage Your pursuit?

Yet pursue You still, with unfeigned vigor,

That, when I tire of Your breath on my neck,

I must turn to feel it on my face.

You are the God who does not quit,

The Self-Existent with whom there is no ceasing.

For this I give what is not mine,

That which I would lose and cannot keep,

And receive what I cannot buy,

Cannot make, nor can I find.

This I snatch from You –

As if I thought it be taken back –

Life in death, grace in justice, freedom in chains.

My God, my God, why have You accepted me?

[1] Will he be in the Kingdom? Did he actually die (in sea or 'fish') and was brought back to life? Was he simply allotted his time and mission to make a point much like that in the parable of the prodigal son? etc.

[2] I have a sad feeling we may never see these from the kids (although I don't even know if any of the other youth leaders have written their Jonah prayers yet).

[3] Yes, I am aware that he was just (mis)quoting Philip Henry who said, "He is no fool who parts with what he cannot keep, when he is sure to be recompensed with what he cannot lose."

Sites to Share - Behind the Name

As a new category or feature of this blog I thought I might share some nifty websites I've come across over the years. These are simply "Sites to Share" - nothing more, nothing less. I'm not receiving compensation from these sites to advertise or send readers their way [1]. On the other end, I'm also not just throwing a bunch of random sites up here. These are sites I actually use and have benefited from using [2].

The first of the "Sites to Share" is a little section of the net known as Behind the Name. This website provides a searchable database of given names and their etymology [3] for over 50 different linguistic backgrounds - including names based in mythology. The site also provides information on name popularity, anagrams, some basic root-words, and message boards. One of the helpful features I've found is a categorical grouping of names based on theme, which could definitely prove useful if you're searching for a baby name.

I like this site because I have an interest in etymology anyway. My name means 'humble but wise, who is like God, a person of victory'. I like the ring to that and I like checking out the meanings of friends' names to see if I notice any connections. I think names can be important. They can be an expression of the parents' faith for what a child will end up like. They can also be the choices of fools who merely wanted something that sounded 'cool', 'unique', or pleased the family. Whatever the case, names have significance and the people to which they belong have their own interesting connections.

I use this site when I write or do studies. The site has a random name generator, which proves useful when you need a character name or some inspiration. The site can be helpful if you want to slip some foreshadowing into your writing through a name, if you're writing an allegory and need a name with the right meaning, or if you want to avoid using the wrong name for a character. As far as studies go, whether you're looking at Biblical studies, historical research, or mythological inquiry, names matter and can give you clues as to the underlying themes to watch for in what you are investigating.

I've found Behind the Name to be a useful and entertaining spot on the web. It has vast potential for investigation and creation. Check it out sometime, play around with it, and see if it will be one of your sites to share [4].

[1] If I ever do, I'll let you know, but they will be sites I enjoy/approve of as is. I oppose the idea of participating in the advertisement of a product one does not personally use and enjoy.

[2] By 'benefited from' I typically mean the sort of intellectual-emotional pleasure I get from learning something new. I have a lovely habit of doing what I call "Wiki-dives" where I follow a rabbit trail of linked material within linked material, taking me through diverse disciplines and random knowledge I may never use but like to have. I've already described my bibliophile/gnosophile nature.

[3] For those who don't know, etymology is the explanation of the meaning behind the words, including history and linguistic development. It is not simply the definition but how the words came to be and previous definitions (i.e. saying that someone was 'nice' was the equivalent of calling them an idiot at one point in time). This leads to the title of the site being Behind the Name - it contains the meanings and history behind the names.

[4] I apologize for the lame name-dropping at the end. I know that I could edit it out but I figure it could help you to understand how mind-blown I am today. I've recently been on a job search so I've been bouncing around, reading job descriptions, and filling out online applications. It's a lot of work but I'm hoping it will be fruitful. I've come across some interesting companies with projects/products with which I'd love to get involved. I'm switching fields from education to engineering so I'm having to reeducate myself on some of the job posting terminology. Bear with me. Maybe my experiences will lead to some interesting posts.