30 Days of Thanks - Day 29 - The Mark Challenge

This past Sunday night we issued our middle school students a challenge to read the entire Gospel According to Mark in one month (actually 26 daily readings with some flex-time built in so they can catch up if something happens). They were to have started yesterday and we will meet up with them sometime after the end to have a discussion group. Their small-group leaders (me and the girls' group leader), will also check up with them during small-group time on Sundays. Along with this we produced a packet for the daily readings with study questions. I wrote the initial questions back in October and we did some major editing (trimming material to keep what was most important and to organize it into a usable format) to finalize everything last week.

I was thankful that we had so many BOYS who were EXCITED about this challenge! My past experience is that getting boys (of any age) to be excited about reading and answering questions is kind of like getting myself excited about going grocery shopping with mom - it just does not happen. I was also thankful to have a wonderful head youth pastor who was thrilled about doing this and who helped bring it to its 'final' state. I am also thankful for this concept of communal reading, study, and sharing. I think the Mark Challenge will be a great experience for these kids, many of whom will be reading an entire book of the Bible on their own for the first time! I also think that the kids' answers to the questions will give us (the leaders) a better idea of where they are at so that we can better serve them! I am looking forward to what this challenge brings!

For those who would like to join us in reading or adapt and use the questions for their own study, I will post it below. There are some typos we came across after the final printing but nothing that detracts from the point. Enjoy!

The Mark Challenge

__DAY 1 (1:1-20)

1. How did the way John the Baptist live connect to his mission?
2. Why was it important that Jesus was baptized?
3. What does it mean to be a “fisher of men”?
4. What is one thing in these verses that challenged you today?
5. Questions and Comments

__DAY 2 (1:21-45)

1. What was different about the way Jesus taught?
2. Why wouldn’t Jesus let the demons speak or tell people who he was?
3. Read 1:35-39 again. What is the significance of this passage? What did Jesus get from prayer?
4. What is one thing in these verses that challenged you today?
5. Questions and Comments

__DAY 3 (2:1-22)

1. Whose faith is Jesus responding to in 2:1-12 and what is significant about this? What is important about what Jesus does here?
2. What does Jesus mean in 2:17?
3. What is one thing in these verses that challenged you today?
4. Questions and Comments

__DAY 4 (2:23-3:19)

1. What is significant about 2:23-28 and 3:1-6?
2. Were Jesus and his followers breaking the rules?
3. Why/why not (think about 2:25 and 3:4)?
4. What is one thing in these verses that challenged you today?
5. Questions and Comments

__DAY 5 (3:20-35)

1. Do you think we become a house divided in our own lives when we talk bad about, or have a bad attitude towards our friends, family, or even church leaders? How does this affect a group?
2. What does Jesus say about being a part of his family?
3. What is one thing in these verses that challenged you today?
4. Questions and Comments

__DAY 6 (4:1-34)

1. Explain the parable of the sower (4:1-20) in your own words.
2. What does 4:24 mean?
3. What do the parables in this section mean to you?
4. Why use parables as a teaching tool?
5. What is one thing in these verses that challenged you today?
6. Questions and Comment

__DAY 7 (4:35-5:20)

1. What was Jesus getting at in 4:40?
2. What’s interesting about how Jesus handled the situation with the demon possessed man? Why do you think he handled it this way?
3. Why do you think the people wanted Jesus to leave after seeing the man healed (think also about where Jesus was at this point and what those people farmed)?
4. What is one thing in these verses that challenged you today?
5. Questions and Comments

__DAY 8 (5:21-43)

1. Why do you think Jesus wanted to know who had touched him and been healed in the crowd?
2. How would you have reacted to the crowd’s response in 5:40? Why did Jesus put them out of the room and then tell those who were still in their not to tell others what had happened?
3. What is one thing in these verses that challenged you today?
4. Questions and Comments

__DAY 9 (6:1-29)

1. Why were the people offended by Jesus in his hometown? What was the big deal? Why did this affect the miracles performed there?
2. What do you think about Jesus’ instructions to the Twelve? What does that have to do with having faith?
3. John spoke the truth even knowing what might happen to him, what is the lesson in this for us?
4. What is one thing in these verses that challenged you today?
5. Questions and Comments

__DAY 10 (6:30-56)

1. What does the feeding of the 5,000 tell you about God?
2. Why does Mark connect the feeding with Jesus walking on water in 6:52?
3. What is one thing in these verses that challenged you today?
4. Questions and Comments

__DAY 11 (7:1-30)

1. How can our own traditions/activities/customs/lifestyles get in the way of truly following God even if they seem good?
2. What does Jesus mean when he says that it is what comes out of a person that makes them unclean? (hint: He is not talking about going to the restroom)
3. What is one thing in these verses that challenged you today?
4. Questions and Comments

__DAY 12 (7:31-8:21)

1. Why did Jesus not want the deaf-mute man and his friends to tell anyone about his healing?
2. What did Jesus mean about the “yeast of the Pharisees”? How does this connect to them asking for a sign?
3. What is one thing in these verses that challenged you today?
4. Questions and Comments

__DAY 13 (8:22-38)

1. Why do you think the man in 8:22-26 was healed in stages instead of immediately?
2. What do you think was going on in the disciples’ minds during 8:27-33?
3. Why is Jesus’ response in 8:34-38 significant? What does he mean?
4. What is one thing in these verses that challenged you today?
5. Questions and Comments

__DAY 14 (9:1-29)

1. What do you think the disciples were thinking when all of this was going on?
2. Why do you think they said, “it was good for us to be here” (v.5)?
3. What was keeping the deaf and mute spirit from being driven away?
4. What is one thing in these verses that challenged you today?
5. Questions and Comments

__DAY 15 (9:30-50)

1. Why would the disciples argue about who would be greatest? How does this show a misunderstanding about who Jesus is and why he came? How does Jesus correct this misunderstanding?
2. What’s the big picture of 9:38-41?
3. Why does Jesus use such extreme imagery in 9:42-50? What does he want us to understand?
4. What is one thing in these verses that challenged you today?
5. Questions and Comments

__DAY 16 (10:1-31)

1. What do you think 10:15 means?
2. In your own words, how would you explain 10:23-31? How do you feel about what Jesus says here?
3. What is one thing in these verses that challenged you today?
4. Questions and Comments

__DAY 17 (10:32-52)

1. What were James and John actually requesting (besides seats)? What was Jesus suggesting in his response? How does this connect to 10:41-45?
2. Why would people try to turn someone away from calling out to Jesus? How did blind Bartimaeus demonstrate faith? How did he respond to what Jesus did for him?
3. What is one thing in these verses that challenged you today?
4. Question and Comments

__DAY 18 (11:1-33)

1. How would you react if Jesus told you to do what he told his disciples in 11:2-3?
2. Was it wrong for Jesus to do what he did in the temple courts? What was going on there?
3. What’s important about what Jesus says in 11:25?
4. What is one thing in these verses that challenged you today?
5. Questions and Comments

__DAY 19 (12:1-27)

1. What is the meaning of the parable in 12:1-12? Why did the leaders know it was directed toward them?
2. What is the importance of 12:13-17?
3. What is one thing in these verses that challenged you today?
4. Questions and Comments

__DAY 20 (12:28-44)

1. What does it mean to love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength? What about loving your neighbor as yourself? How can you put this into practice? Why are these more important than any sacrifices?
2. What did Jesus have to say about the teachers of the law and how does this contrast with what he says about the widow’s offering?
3. What is one thing in these verses that challenged you today?
4. Questions and Comments

__DAY 21 (13:1-37)

1. What does Jesus mean about us being alert?
2. Knowing what we know about the end, how should we live today?
3. How should this chapter motivate us?
4. What is one thing in these verses that challenged you today?
5. Questions and Comments

__DAY 22 (14:1-31)

1. Why was it important for the woman to do what she did in 14:1-9? Why were the others so mad at her?
2. Why do you think the disciples responded as they did in 14:19 to the news that Jesus would be betrayed?
3. How would you react to Jesus’ statement in 14:27? Could you see yourself thinking like Peter here?
4. What is one thing in these verses that challenged you today?
5. Questions and Comments

__DAY 23 (14:32-72)

1. Have you ever come up against a tough situation that you didn’t want to face? Why is it important that Jesus said “not what I will, but what you will”?
2. Why did the high priest take what Jesus says in 14:62 as evidence against him?
3. Like Peter, have you ever betrayed or let down someone you cared about? How did it feel? What did you do about it afterward?
4. What is one thing in these verses that challenged you today?
5. Questions and Comments

__DAY 24 (15:1-20)

1. Why was Pilate amazed at Jesus’ silence?
2. Why do you think people were willing to release a murderer instead of Jesus?
3. How would you react to what the soldiers did in 15:16-20? How did Jesus handle it? Why was he able to do so?
4. How do these verses make you feel?
5. What is one thing in these verses that challenged you today?

6. Questions and Comments

__DAY 25 (15:21-47)

1. Why would Jesus not take the wine mixed with myrrh (a pain reliever)?
2. Jesus was crucified with two rebels, what does this tell you about what people in power thought about him?
3. Why did Jesus say, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (If you get a chance, read Psalm 22)
4. What do you think Jesus’ followers where thinking while this was happening?
5. How do these verses make you feel?
6. What is one thing in these verses that challenged you today?

7. Questions and Comments

__DAY 26 (CHAPTER 16)

1. How would you react to find your leader’s tomb emptied and be told what the women were told?
2. What is the Good News in the book of Mark?
3. How should we respond to what Jesus did?
4. How does it feel to know you read the entire the book of Mark?

5. Questions and Comments

30 Days of Thanks - Day 2 - Sushi

I recognize that this next one may make some readers cringe. The idea of eating anything raw is bothersome to a portion of society. Another, smaller subset hates seafood anyway. Put these together and you have people running to Cracker Barrel for 'safer' options. Raw seafood just does not match the taste codes and comforting thought qualifications for certain individuals.

I am not one of those individuals. I cannot go as far as claiming to be an addict, but if sushi is an option on the menu, my inclination is to order it and to try as many varieties as I can.

My affection for sushi started back in college. I had eaten sushi before but the opportunities were few and far between. Two years or so before I graduated, a Jasmine restaurant opened in town. Before long I discovered their sushi selections (not as well known at first, overshadowed by the popularity of their Thai lunch specials) and the place became a favorite. As time went on, even one of the school cafeterias started carrying boxes of their rolls. For my last year of college I had sushi for breakfast nearly every morning.

Now you may be wondering: sushi . . . for breakfast? But I assure you, it was a great source of protein and a tasty way to start the day. I'm not much for typical breakfast foods anyway. Rolls stuffed with crab, salmon, and tuna provided me with the energy to think, work, and tackle the engineering physics and secondary education curriculum to which I was subjecting myself. As such, I was thankful for the nutrients and the delicious flavor.

I have another reason to be thankful for sushi. I eventually got one of my friends hooked. We added sushi to our Sunday between church routine as we had already done with swinging by Book and Bean for coffee. It was a great way to spend time with a friend and to connect over a common gustatory interest. One time I showed up early for lunch and snagged us a table. As he came in and looked around for me, one of the waitresses came up to him and said, "Are you looking for someone? Is it a boy?" This quickly became our little joke for the restaurant and we made sure to invite other people with us in the future to avoid confusion of that sort.

Sushi is not only a nutrient-provider and delight to my taste buds, but it also holds a key to many fond memories such as the one above. As such, I am thankful for sushi. I am thankful for the rolls, the nigiri, the maki, the inari, the oshi, and the sashimi.

I'm just not thankful for the ikura (salmon roe). That stuff is like saltwater with skin. Seriously, kids, stay away from it.

A roll and nigirisushi combo from Jasmine.

A chirashisushi, nigirisushi, and sashimi combo from Jasmine.

30 Days of Thanks - Day 1 - Being A Knit-Wit

I know, I know. I am being overly ambitious about my ability to post every day, but I would like to take November - the month containing the lovely holiday known as Thanksgiving - to write some mini-reflections on things for which I am thankful. It is a fun way to remind yourself of the blessings you have and connect it all to a commonly shared [1] event, thus demonstrating the net's powers of mind control by 'inspiring' others to do the same.

With that said, one of the first things I am thankful for is the gift of knitting [2].

I first learned to knit about two-and-a-half years ago when I was searching for my first job after college. I had spent five years in a constant state of activity and I did not have a lot to keep me busy while I waited for call-backs on job applications. While walking through Wal-Mart's craft section with a friend (I think he was looking for tie-dye) I saw the Knifty Knitter Round Loom Set and mentioned to him that I was thinking about picking the hobby up to have something to do and feel productive. I thought he would laugh it off but then he told me that he would teach me how to really knit. Turns out my friend was some sort of award winning knitter back home. We picked up some needles and yarn before heading back to the house I was living in at the time. That night he showed me the basics.

I went back out to get the looms the next day [3] as I preferred both the ease and the fact that you can pop out a nice hat in the time it takes to watch a movie. It has been over two years since I first picked up the craft and I have actually come to the point of forgetting how many hats (and scarves) that I have made. I took or have obtained a few photos of my creations which I will post below.

This skill has been a major blessing, especially since I have been on the job search again. It gives me something that I can do that is productive, can be done along with other things, and that can be used to bless people with some heart-made gifts. It is something simple that I can do to make people feel special while providing for a basic need. As time has gone by it has also sparked more creativity on my part. Involving more colors (or color swapping for stripes), the use of more threads for each row, attachments, decorative stitching, reversible layers, pom-poms, and other add-ons to create some nifty utilitarian art.

I have found that another blessing has come from those to whom I give these creations. Unlike some adult friends (none pictured) who seem to immediately ask for a price [4], my kids seem to immediately understand that these are gifts. Because of this they teach me an important spiritual lesson. They know they cannot compensate me so they do not try, they just enjoy the gift - they use it, they appreciate it. This is something that I need to remember to do with the gifts God gives to me. I can never repay Him. That would be beyond my ability. I must receive with thanks and put these gifts to good use.

Marshall rockin' the first hat I ever made (with Josh making lunch or something).

Kyle rockin' the second hat I ever made.

H.L. rockin' the third hat I ever made. I actually experimented with using two strands of yarn instead of just one for a thicker hat. This soon became my basic hat method.

Some of my friends' kids used a scarf I made for them on a snowman while wearing the matching hat. This scarf was a tube scarf made with a hat loom before I actually bought the long loom for making scarves.

Made a very small hat for my friends' very small daughter. I do not know why it looks like the sides are sticking out like cat ears though.

One of a set of matching green and blue striped pom-pom hats for some friends' daughters. My first time making pom-poms.

Several other projects had been made during and after the time shown above, I just never got pictures.

One of my recent projects that was inspired by a comment by a friend was to make some reversible hats of the four ghosts from Pac-Man (clockwise from left: Pinky, Inky, Blinks, and Clyde):

Which flip inside out to become the ghosts after Pac-Man eats a power pellet.

And, again, other hats came after these. At some point I began to experiment more with decorative stitching (embroidery) on the hats. This was my most recent project. It features a red fig tree with green figs and has Proverbs 27:18 as the trunk with John 1:47-51 under the branches. It took a long time (triple-threaded and then the time it took to weave all of that on), but you can tell from the verses that I think highly of the kid who received it - something tells me that boy is going to change the world (something else tells me he has already started).

[1] At least it is in the U.S.

[2] At this point I would like to remind readers that I am, in fact, a man and am, in fact, only interested in women - REAL women.

[3] He was actually a great teacher, I just never could seem to get it going right or fast enough for my tastes.

[4] Note: I have no qualms against doing a paid commission piece. However, I will not take on more than I can handle, I will not promise that any piece will be done by some specific time (I have to say this as I don't want to receive an order in the middle of December for five hats that need to be to someone by Christmas), and I will not make the Pac-Man ghost hats for sale as that would be a copyright nightmare. I also will not recreate the fig tree hat as that was something that was made for a certain person. Furthermore, I have no intention of starting a business from this so please understand that I may not respond like a business to everyone who submits a request to the 'Contact Me' section on the sidebar and it may take me some time to figure out how to set up some method of payment.

Before I forget: I do not own Pac-Man or the ghosts, I just made some fun hats that I did not sell. Namco owns those entities as far as I know.

One (Crazy) Month

I apologize for not updating for over a month. Though I do not know if I have any regular readers to whom I should apologize, I am extending that apology to myself. I have a bank of half-finished posts that I can't remember why I started writing in the first place, I have ideas for posts that I've been wanting to do with several more that I've forgotten by now, and I quite enjoy writing as it helps me to process life. As a matter of fact, it's that life which has gotten in the way for the past month. I don't wish to bore anyone with the details but to give you an idea I'll borrow the list format that my friend Savannah uses on her blog.

1. I had various appointments and classes that second full week of September, not to mention my parents returned from their trip (and brought me a lovely soccer jersey for the Scottish national team).

2. The third full week contained a day of intense picking that would have floored Mike and Frank in which I obtained several books, a few old N64 games, and a snowboard I intend to use as a bookshelf in the future. I also attended the highland games in Eminence, KY with my dad (both of us sporting our kilts).

3. Sadly, after returning from the games, we learned that my grandma on my mom's side had been rushed to the hospital with several issues. We were told that there were two options: operate so she 'lives' in a vegetative state for less than a year at most and needs continual fixes, or pump her full of antibiotics and pain killers so she can go out with as little pain as possible sooner.

4. The option taken was the latter. The family took rotating shifts to sit with her and look after her needs more than the hospice workers (for whom we are still very grateful) could. I took a few of these and was glad to spend the time with her even if she was out for most of it. I would sit and knit while I waited (a few hats and most of a thick scarf were finished in this time).

5. On Tuesday, October 4th, the last time anyone had any real chance to talk with her while she was conscious, I was sitting with her. She woke up at one point and asked me where her baby was, saying, "Didn't I have a baby?" When I told her that there wasn't a baby with us, she looked very sad and went back to sleep. The last time I know of that she spoke to anyone was to me as I was putting some gel on her lips to keep them from chapping. She woke up and asked what I was doing. I told her I was putting her makeup on so she would look "right pretty" when she saw grandpa. "And Jesus too," she said. Yes, grandma, and Jesus too.

6. I went out the next day and bought her a soft baby doll so that she would have a baby if she woke up again. It felt silly at the time, but I also felt I should do it.

7. Grandma passed on through the morning of the 10th. The visitation was the next day and my male cousins and I were pallbearers the day after that. It was more like a family reunion. There wasn't much crying or sorrow as we knew it was coming far enough ahead and we knew she was ready.

8. I lay the doll in the coffin beside her. One of her sisters then mentioned that it was interesting that grandma had asked about the baby. Grandpa had as well when he was dying. We then found out that my mom, thought to be one of eight, was actually supposed to have been one of nine. A baby was lost before she (and her sisters as mom was a triplet) was born. Grandma had never talked about it and the few who knew never brought it up for her sake. I'm glad I gave her that doll.

9. On the 13th I woke up to a text message from my best friend down in our college town. He had an extra ticket to go see David Crowder*Band's final tour in Lawrence, Kansas and he and his mom (who I'd gladly claim as well) wanted me to go with them. I missed them both dearly and needed the trip so I set out for Murray the next day to head out to the land of Dorothy and Toto.

10. I got down to Murray early and just managed to catch the dearest boy I know to give him something, chat him up, and get in a good hug.

11. We finally managed to leave Murray around 8:30-ish at night (don't ask). The trip went fairly well except we learned that many of the gas stations (and their bathrooms) close up late at night around St. Louis. I think I may have hurt myself slightly by holding it so long because I had some pain/bloating/urgency/other issues the next day too.

12. We learned another good lesson that night: call ahead to make room reservations because the town you decide to stop at will just so happen to be having homecoming that weekend and all of the rooms will be booked when you come rolling in at 2:30am. All blessing be to God that we found a room and - even though it was a smoking room at a flea-bag motel - it wasn't that bad for a few winks and several nighttime trips to the loo.

13. We got to repeat that lesson the next day when we ended up being forced to take the last room available in Lawrence thanks to a KU/OU game we didn't know about. Thankfully we got this room. Unfortunately it had a malfunctioning A/C (seemed to make the room hotter honestly), a non-functioning drain (until I showed off why I have a degree in engineering), and various other problems like exposed wiring (it was a HoJo and the room wasn't supposed to be let as they're remodeling right now). We survived.

14. The concert was amazing and it was much better with my best friend and my adopt-a-mom. We're not sure how we feel about John Mark McMillan (odd sound issues for his set where we were sitting 0n the third row left) and Chris August has talent - just not in songwriting (having worked youth ministry I can safely say he writes like a teenage boy). Gungor impressed all of us but even more impressive was his bass-playing, jaw-drop-inducing vocal percussionist named Kevin (who is currently on The Sing Off and you should vote for his group - note that I do not actually watch this show). Then the DC*B took the stage and what was up to that point a concert became a family worship session. I hadn't seen them live since before Illuminate was out and it was hard to believe they could have improved on back then but it was a much blessed time. Again, it wasn't just the music, it was the atmosphere - the focus on God Most High. Yes it was great to hear that they'd come up with nine more bluegrass songs (that I think may be another EP before or after their final album by how they mentioned it), but it's the lyrical content of those songs that mattered, such as remaking the old hymn "Because He Lives."

15. After the concert we had meet and greet passes so we got to walk by, talk a little to the band, shake hands, and get our vinyls of Church Music signed (for those kids out there who think that vinyls are the protective covers that keep their mattresses dry, ask your parents what I'm actually talking about). The best part of this for me was that there was a hold up in the line behind me so I got to talk to David (possibly one of the friendliest men on the face of the earth, especially considering he had just played an amazing set and was probably tired) Crowder for an extended period of time and thank him for all of the years of encouraging tunes.

16. The next day we hit up the Kansas City Renn Faire on the way back. Pretty nifty and good times with my friends.

17. We finally rolled into Murray around 3am Monday. I got to have a great talk with my friend's mom - informative and encouraging. I had forgotten to mention above that I had broken up with my girlfriend during the past month as well - it hurt a bit but it needed to be done. This was some of what we talked about on that long ride home. I needed that and I am so thankful for her sage wisdom and strong Christian stance.

18. Yesterday, I took some lunch up to my friend's office and we ate together before I had to head home. It was great to get to see and talk to him in person one last time before leaving. It was also great to stuff our faces with sushi from our favorite place. Thanks again, man, for an awesome weekend!

19. I drove the long trek home bringing my TORT - time on road total - for those four days to approximately 28 hours while listening to Connie Willis' Doomsday Book (the first in her amazing time travel series).

There are surely several things I've left out of the above but they're all quite fuzzy now. Anyway, I'll leave you with the following that I wrote one night while grandma was still in the hospital. I was talking to a friend and it was relating to the subject of intimacy with God being intertwined with our knowledge of God and His Word. I felt a fire burning in my chest and this came out of the passion I had as I reflected on my King of kings and Lord of lords. This came in the midst of what seemed to be chaos - a reminder of to Whom I belong, the One to see me through it all.

We are so incredibly blessed to bear witness to a God who actually wants to have something to do with us! We have a Father, He sets a standard - an image of glory and righteousness and power for us to grow into - and doesn't expect anything less of us. We have a Brother, He both sets an example of that image and provides the means for us to go in that way by taking the eternal suffering that we've caused (in sins of commission but also in sins of omission), and thus deserve, upon Himself. He appeases that rightful wrath and makes things right between us and the Father once more so that the Spirit can come to us - so that what was sinful can live in the presence of a righteous God. We have a Spirit, He (not just 'it') prepares and leads our hearts and minds to grow in the image of the Father that was exemplified by the Son. He constantly points us to and allows us to learn about the Son who Himself points us to and allows us to learn about the Father (and He has given us to learn from the Spirit and the Son - to know Them and thus know Him). We have a God who wants to be known, not just by us but also in us - bringing out that image from what we've hidden it behind. They, which is He, has made all creation with a (glorious/beautiful/genius/these words are all falling short) ability to reflect aspects of, and thus point us back to, Him. And He has sought to make us chief of these reflectors - the full-length mirror - His image! He has done the impossible - taking what is broken and making it whole, taking what is warring and making it peace, taking what could never work, could never be useful, could never be and making it live! And as I think about this I realize that the God of the great paradoxes has made me one as well. As I am both empowered yet humbled, enlightened yet realizing my foolishness, encouraged yet aware of where I fall short. And all I can think is holy, holy, holy is YHWH, our God Almighty, Who was and is and is to come! Glory be unto the Father! Glory be unto the Son! Glory be unto the Spirit! Glory be unto the Three-in-One! He has revealed Himself that we might know Him and, in knowing Him, share with Him in His glory! He does not need us, existing in and of Himself in that glorious community of the Godhead. Yet He still chooses to create us, to struggle with us, to make a way for us, and to dwell with us forever. Truly He is great, and truly He is God!

I want to thank Him so much that, in these tough times, that's who He still is - His self-existence ensuring that He is not changed by our circumstance (what more He can be recognized in these times for that very reason). He is so good to us and it's His choice, not His obligation. Praise, praise, praise to the Thrice Holy King!

Jonah Prayer

Yet again I find myself helping out with a youth group despite my recent relocation (granted I grew up in this area). It's my lot in life and something I'm grateful for which God still sees me as being useful. Truth be told, it becomes a return blessing.

Our current series is on Jonah - one of my favorites in the minor prophets due to the number of questions with which he leaves me [1]. This past Sunday we went through Jonah 2, talking about the importance of prayer and the repentant/emergency type that Jonah brought to God. The youth pastor asked the other youth workers to write our own prayers to share, using Jonah's as a model, and passed this task to the kids as well [2].

I had been wracking my brain the past few days trying to get to a mental state where I could even think like second chapter Jonah. I typically mix a lot of song and Scripture in my prayers which causes most of my written prayer to come out in a poetic form. To get the juices flowing, I went to some songs I knew that I had used in my Jonah moments: Wedding Dress by Derek Webb, Second Chances by Needtobreathe, Mystery of Mercy by Andrew Peterson, Lesser Things and Jealous Kind by Jars of Clay, and Breath of God by Dicky Ochoa. These, mixed with a little Hosea (another of my favorites) and Jim Elliot's "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose" [3], and further added to a rough, mostly-sleepless night, brought me to that mindset I needed to break down and bare all. The following is the fruit of my self-induced heartache.

A Vomit-Soaked Prayer from the Beach

My God, my God, why have You accepted me?

Should not traitors die and thieves pay back sevenfold?

And what less have I stolen but time? Blessed time!

That for which the weak crave and infirm pine,

And thus have I squandered,

Whoring myself to lesser gods.

And time – time knowing no reverse –

Passes through me like flour a sieve.

Were You to count that which I have stolen

And require of me that sevenfold return,

That I could not repay less than the whole of me

And still find debt wanting.

I step from what is need to vain desire,

Trading time to waste and peace to fire,

And then I wait for more.

My God, my God, why have You accepted me?

Why call whore “bride” and runner “son”?

What use do You see to encourage Your pursuit?

Yet pursue You still, with unfeigned vigor,

That, when I tire of Your breath on my neck,

I must turn to feel it on my face.

You are the God who does not quit,

The Self-Existent with whom there is no ceasing.

For this I give what is not mine,

That which I would lose and cannot keep,

And receive what I cannot buy,

Cannot make, nor can I find.

This I snatch from You –

As if I thought it be taken back –

Life in death, grace in justice, freedom in chains.

My God, my God, why have You accepted me?

[1] Will he be in the Kingdom? Did he actually die (in sea or 'fish') and was brought back to life? Was he simply allotted his time and mission to make a point much like that in the parable of the prodigal son? etc.

[2] I have a sad feeling we may never see these from the kids (although I don't even know if any of the other youth leaders have written their Jonah prayers yet).

[3] Yes, I am aware that he was just (mis)quoting Philip Henry who said, "He is no fool who parts with what he cannot keep, when he is sure to be recompensed with what he cannot lose."

A Walk Down Memory Lane Is Like A Walk Down Dysfunction Drive (Or, My Childhood in Silent Hill)

Please allow me to make a confession: I like the horror genre of games and movies. Note that I say horror and not necessarily gore. I actually enjoy the rush from identifying with the lead character's psychological torment and the complex yet oh so simple nature of fear [1]. As such, I get a kick out of the Silent Hill series of games which focus on a single player character's trials as they journey through their own guilty psyches in a custom-made limbo [2] around the terror town of Silent Hill. The games are designed with an amazingly eerie atmosphere of sights and sounds that remind you that you are so utterly alone [3]. The other night I decided to kick back and partake of Silent Hill 2 and I began to reflect on my childhood.

My current read is What Your Childhood Memories Say About You by Dr. Kevin Leman so the connection was not that big of a leap. Leman's basic premise is that your childhood memories can provide a basic look at your private logic as you essentially hold on to memories for specific, personal reasons. This is why I can't seem to remember for what I drove to the grocery but I can tell you about the time when I was four that I left a grocery store with a woman who looked like (but was not) my mother [4]. He also works in some great discussion of nature and nurture, focusing on how the nature leads to the specifics of nurture and how birth order can affect personality development [5].

Two of my earliest childhood memories [6] seem oddly reminiscent of the Silent Hill series. The first happened when I was about three or four. I was playing on my parents' unmade bed and slipped. Fortunately the sheets caught me before I busted my head open; unfortunately, I became trapped in a cocoon of those very same sheets. After squirming for a bit and deciding I was thoroughly trapped, I started shouting for mom to come and let me out. She never came. I continued at higher and higher volumes (and pitches) until it all seemed quite hopeless.

In the Silent Hill series, you're usually alone in the town. Sure, there may be other 'people,' but they are generally unhelpful and not the best company. The foggy city with many blocked paths and gratuitous use of fences provides the perfect atmosphere to make you fell isolated, trapped, and quite hopeless.

It was at that point, while wrapped in a pouch of sheets, that something in my young mind developed: "If I'm going to get out of this, then I will have to do it myself. I can't rely on anyone else to do it for me. It's up to me to solve my own problems - to find my own way." I then worked on a method of guess-and-check to figure a way out of the sheets. After who knows how long, I was free. I then found mom in the next room, completely oblivious to my prior plight [7]. Leman points out that only children typically have memories of "fierce independence" that are "often without anyone else in them" as well as "fearful memories" with themes of "making mistakes" and including "plenty of detail." Sounds like my memory in a nutshell.

The point of my memory, however, is that it awakened a necessary independence in me that has persisted to today. I typically solve my problems on my own and approach life's issues with an analytical mind. I also tend to apply that mind to help others. I have an "if it is to be, it is up to me" mentality that often leads me to take up tasks to help others without being asked (sometimes good, sometimes bad). For example, a few years ago I took over the sound and media at a church plant at which I was leading youth when the actual sound guy failed to show up the fourth week into it. It's about three years later and I'm still helping with sound at my current site's youth and adult services. I had to teach myself at first and eventually received some actual training. I will confess that it's not exactly something I like to do, but it is something I understand is necessary and will do as needed. We had a meeting this past Saturday and our head of media talked about needing to have a calling to that ministry. I guess I received my call back in that tangle of bedsheets. It's my natural inclination to independently jump in and try to fix things.

The other memory is actually a recurring dream (or nightmare) I've had since I was four [8]. In the dream, I'm stuck in this house. It seems very clean but very barren. No one else is visible. When I try to look out the window, I can't - as if there's nothing to look at. I know that the house has white siding but I never see it (odd thing to know but never see). I keep trying to find an exit and explore the house but I never find one. In one part of the house, which is filled with light through all of the windows, there is a dark room (with no windows). I try to go in and see what is in there. As I do, I get this horrid feeling like I'm not alone and then I feel like I'm moving. Suddenly, it's like the lights pop back on and I'm right back where I started in the entrance hall. I'm trapped and alone, but I'm not alone.

I'm sure a psychologist could find many things to comment on here but in the game Silent Hill: Shattered Memories, Harry Mason (the game's protagonist) at one point goes through such a room. It's like the developers scavenged my brain to find the most terrifying memory from my past. This memory sticks out to me because of the unease felt in the isolation. Going lucid didn't help. Even when I would stay and wait in the lighted rooms of the house, it was almost as if the dark room would seek me out and draw me into itself. The house was always unfamiliar and it seemed to change itself when I wasn't looking [9] so the dark room could show up right around the next corner or right behind me.

I can't say I've learned much from that dream other than I hate feeling trapped and I hate being messed with. It's somewhat like the movie Cube or the game Portal (or the Silent Hill series). Come to think of it, most of the games and movies I like seem to allow me to vicariously relive and, potentially, triumph over this nightmare. Hmmm . . .

Isn't it fun to self-analyze?

What are some of your childhood memories?

Heads up! I'll probably revisit this topic a few times. It's a good book.

[1] This may be due to or why I am such a fan of The Twilight Zone.

[2] Or Hell, depending on your interpretation.

[3] But not as alone as you wish you were.

[4] Thankfully she didn't want to take a little boy home for keeps but she did have ice cream in her bags so I probably wouldn't have minded.

[5] He seems to have me, my dad, my mom, and several others I know pegged in regard to his birth order theories. If you're looking for a birthday gift for me, I'd love to read his full book on birth order.

[6] Don't worry, they won't all be shared here.

[7] I have forgiven her for this. The radio was on and the kitchen window was open, allowing the screams of youth soccer to fill the house.

[8] Most likely one of the nightmares that was brought on by a head injury I received at daycare that led to many years of EEGs, CAT scans, and seizure fears.

[9] Think of the stairs at Hogwarts.

My Favorite 'Twilight' Involves No Prissy Vampires (Or, How Rod Serling Taught Me About Life)

Last weekend I discovered that Netflix has started to carry the entire original series of The Twilight Zone. I've loved the ethic dramas of Rod Serling and others for years. These stories have motivated my interests in stories and films of philosophical depth. These stories also have a heavy connection with my childhood. Because of this, I have been on a nostalgia kick while analyzing the roots of my psychological development.

I don't remember exactly when I first watched an episode, but I know I was around six- or seven-years-old. I would get up past bedtime to watch it and keep the set volume low so as to avoid confrontations with mom or dad. The stories Rod Serling presented would terrify and inspire me. Even as a child, I began to connect the terrors of the show with the realities of the world around me. I began to understand that the fears and desires of men - as well as their best intentions - could be their undoing or lead to great evil.

A few episodes still stick in my mind all of these years since.

A Nice Place to Visit taught me that Hell is getting everything you ever wanted, thus removing any sense of adventure - and any reason to live.

The Little People taught me to tread lightly in dealing with others as, although I may be above them, someone else is ultimately above me. This also gave me some hope when dealing with bullies in the many years to come. In addition, I learned never to think too highly of myself.

Nothing in the Dark taught me that I had nothing to fear from death as "What you feared would come like an explosion is like a whisper. What you thought was the end is the beginning."

The Obsolete Man taught me the value of ideas and of every individual. It taught me that even my death should be used to promote truth. As I grew older and watched it again, Romney Wordsworth's words further impressed on me the importance of actually knowing of God for myself. "You cannot erase God with an edict!" This may have inevitably triggered the Grand Search that led me to Christ.

It's a Good Life, that iconic episode, frightened me to no end. I learned that any power I may be equipped with should be used for the benefit of others and not to control them. The torment of Anthony's family and neighbors taught me that personal control of everything was not something to be desired, nor was the suffering of others just because they make you unhappy or hurt.

The Monsters Are Due on Maple Street (my favorite episode - the first I saw and often cited as the greatest episode of the series) taught me just how dangerous fear and ignorance could be amongst people. Fear leads to faulty conclusions and false knowledge. I remember identifying with the character of Tommy who, regrettably, provides the 'silly' concept that fuels the fear of the entire group and later has that fear directed toward him.

A Close Call

One of the blogs I follow (and I suggest you do too) recently made an interesting post describing what most of us would consider to be a major inconvenience to a large family. Instead of following her initial impulse to be bitter, she turned the situation on its head. Take a look:

I have been trying, every time I get stuck in traffic, or the keys get locked in the car, or we get lost on the way to our destination, to view these frustrations as ways in which God steers us away from more difficult circumstances, even danger. Maybe my plans are simply not what He had in mind. Maybe there are people whose paths we are to cross, whom we would otherwise never know, if our schedule went as we had designed. Perhaps, more seriously, we would have met our demise from a reckless driver or a downed tree or a deer in the road....we may never know this side of heaven, but it seems like a reasonable explanation to me.

About five years ago, when I was still working in a grocery store back home on breaks, I had gotten roped into working until 11:30 at night on the fourth of July. I hated to miss out on the festivities but I needed the money (the holiday pay was good). On my way home, I stopped at the traffic light in front of the shopping center. When the light turned green, I hit the gas to go and was met with a mild sputter and even the electrical system of my car failed.

Just as I was about to get mad, I saw a pickup fly through the intersection in front of me. The guy driving had plowed through a red light and would have plowed into me had my car not died. He didn't even have his lights on so I wouldn't have seen him in enough time to get out of the way.

I thanked God for the save and then felt like I should pray for that driver's safety. I then tried to start my engine again. It started perfectly and didn't give me anymore problems. As I made my way home, I passed the pickup down the road. The driver had received a blue-light special and was failing his sobriety test miserably, thus insuring a safe night in the clink (the power of prayer, I guess).

The thing is, had I not been inconvenienced, I would have been horribly maimed at the very least. My car just dying and then restarting with no previous or following problems is suspicious. I think Someone must have messed with my engine. I'm glad He did. It was all just a 'God-incidence'.

Because I Care Enough About You to Want You to Do Well

This past week I was on Spring Break so I made the painfully long [1] pilgrimage up north to see my girlfriend and her family [2]. There we watched movies [3], answered thought-provoking questions, ate good food, were blown away at a couple soccer matches [4], and baked cakes for three birthdays [5]. We also helped her little brother with his state history project [6] but the event this post refers to occurred the night before we left to visit my parents [7].

We were sitting around quite a while after the birthday party discussing the usuals of politics and the economy, when I noticed her little brother [8] sneak down from the top floor and further descend the stairs to the basement den. At first I assumed that he had forgotten something as he had been playing down there earlier; however, when he tarried and I could faintly hear some sounds, I knew exactly what he was doing. Not wanting to break up the others' conversation, I walked down the stairs myself.

I found him sitting in his Jar Jar Binks inflatable chair playing his X-Box 360 [9]. After telling him a couple times to save and shut down, and being blatantly ignored, I turned the game off.

"Why would you do that?"

"Because you know it's time for bed. You have school and tests tomorrow. You need sleep."

"I can sleep right here in my Jar Jar chair."

"No, you need to go up to bed and get a good night's sleep. Besides, Jar Jar is creepy."

"You can't make me, I'm staying right here!"

At this point I reminded him of my alternate identity as the tickle monster, thus removing him from the chair. I then carried him to the foot of the steps and told him to go on up.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because I care enough about you to want you to do well."

This stopped him for a second and then, "Well, you can't carry me up all of these stairs!"

"Wanna bet?"

At which point I carried him to the ground floor where, when he recognized he was caught, he begged to be released. I sat him down and accepted his poorly concealed hug [10] before he headed, begrudgingly, upstairs.

He got the message, much like one boy I knew way back when, who also liked to sneak down and play games at night, got the message [11].

[1] About five and a half hours but it felt longer since I was listening to Dawkins on audio book.

[2] Well worth the trip! She's the kind of girl that makes me understand my favorite Marvin Gaye song.

[3] Including one sharing the title of my favorite Bill Withers song, a blatant rip-off of Batman that allowed me to make some great '90s PSA references, and The Lincoln Lawyer, which I suggest waiting until it's out on DVD as it feels like it would be better on a home screen.

[4] No, the kids weren't that good. The wind was intense that day and left us with nice wind burns to go with our sun burns. I got to see kids kick soccer balls toward the other team's goal only to see the wind blow the ball right back over their heads. I also got to see a kid learn why you don't pee into the wind even if you were told to go by the fence that is facing the wind. Poor kid, but therapists have to make money somehow!

[5] Her mom, sister, and maternal grandfather all had birthdays that week. We celebrated them all together but we still had two cakes and one big bowl of Jell-O! I'm glad I came up with the idea of getting three candles representing the numbers of their combined ages as it made for less fire and less waxy cake.

[6] As a teacher I couldn't not help or, better put, I couldn't not criticize the meaningless organizational activity that was being passed off as a project while belittling the poorly written rubric that failed to include criteria mentioned on other randomly inserted sheets. This is why our state is doing better than their state. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

[7] A six hour drive that involves passing through two major cities and their continual construction projects. She must like Marvin Gaye too.

[8] Who was supposed to be in bed as he had school and state testing the next day.

[9] I must confess that my girlfriend, her sister, and I went in together to get this for him for Christmas so that we could prank him, but that's a tale for another day.

[10] Because I'm not buying that the squeeze was merely for stabilizing his landing.

[11] Thanks, dad! I love you! I figure you'll facebook-stalk your way here someday!