30 Days of Thanks - Day 30 - Marc Summers

I know it is a little strange to be thankful for that guy who hosted a game show in the '80s and '90s but hear me out on this one because the man deserves some sort of award. Yes, Marc Summers was the host of my favorite game show as a kid - Double Dare. The sloppiest quiz show on television, Double Dare had a lengthy run and a few spin-offs. The highlights of the show were the physical challenges and obstacle course at the end that resulted in everyone being either slimed, pied, or just plain messy in some of the most awkward ways imaginable. My memory brings about images of human burritos, finding a flag while picking a gigantic nose, and a chocolate-covered slide into a giant sundae. It was messy, funny, and enough to keep the kids (and parents) interested.

So, sure, it was a good show but Marc was also a good host. He would dive right in to the fray and had a way of describing the action like a serious sports announcer despite the oddity of the scene. What makes him worthy of mention in the 30 Days of Thanks is that Marc Summers, who would often end up like this

had an Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder that made him want everything to be neat and tidy and orderly and "just so".

Marc should be an inspiration to us when we are facing something we really do not want to do - something that would require us to leave our comfort zones. His success was derived from his ability to take a big step into that which he despised just to bring some entertainment and joy to others. He is an example of what can be done if we will put our desire in something greater than our fears.

30 Days of Thanks - Day 14 - Everything Matters

"For a brief time, I was here; and for a brief time, I mattered." - Harlan Ellison

We must face the fact that everything we do ultimately - through the cause and effect nature of our universe - matters. Someone is affected and, therefore, someone else is affected and so on ad infinitum. When we understand this, we should better value the time we spend here.

30 Days of Thanks - Day 6 - Childhood Trauma

I know that I have blogged before about my childhood but I wanted to give a special salute to childhood trauma in general. I believe that those horrid experiences can be used to help us develop into uniquely gifted adults. They allow us to develop the endurance, knowledge, skills, and compassion to help others along the path. A weakness or fear due to past experiences can even be transformed into a strength later in life. I am reminded of when Rabbit tried to rid Tigger of his bounce, which he saw as a nuisance, only to be rescued by that same thing when it was adjusted and used for a noble purpose [1]. I am not suggesting that the trauma is good, but that good can come from it. Such traumas can also give you an idea about the present mental and psychological state of the child such as in the example that follows.

Recently, Jimmy Kimmel asked parents to film their kids as they were told that mom and/or dad ate all of their Halloween candy. He thought this would be funny, it turned out to be both traumatic and comical. The results also tell a lot about the kids. You can actually predict, to some degree, how these kids will end up. Here is the clip followed by brief synopses [2] and commentary.

Kids #1 and 2 (aka Woody and Buzz): Kid #1 drops to the floor in shocked exasperation as Kid #2 is already whining before being told his candy is gone as well, at which point he hides his face behind the couch. These kids share in each other's pain. Kid #1 is a dramatic type and will end up being the expressive sort. Kid #2 will be the quieter, more reserved type, but ultimately the one who will offer you a shoulder on which to cry. I am predicting that he may play wing-man to his brother in the future.

Kid #3 (aka Your Whiny Neighborhood Spider-Fan): He collapses with his Spiderman pail and a shocked expression on his face, then sits on the floor and cries with his head down. Kid #3 reminds me of some kids I played soccer with when I was little. When life is unkind, sit down and cry. You will still get a trophy and you get to check out for a bit while other people take care of the work. A little dramatic but ultimately he will grow up to join the ranks of the 'normal' folk.

Kid #4 (aka Delayed Reaction Boy): This boy takes a bit to long to process what has been said before flinging himself back into a high pitched squeal and stressed expression. I am fairly certain that this kid was already in on it all and was just doing something so mom could put it on YouTube. This kid will be a fine actor once he learns proper timing.

Kids #5 and 6 (aka Wrapper-Toss Girl and Mild Disappointment Boy): The girl asks where the candy is, sees the pile of wrappers in front of her dad and starts weeping before she even makes it to the table. The boy does not really seem to care but has a slight frown. The girl then throws the wrappers at her dad. Kid #5 will end up in some fights as she grows up. She expresses herself physically and does not seem to understand appropriate reactions. She has a high level of vengeance. Kid #6 will be okay. He seems to have already worked out in his mind that the situation does not make sense. His bigger concern is: "Why are our parents doing this to us?" He will grow up with some gap of trust with his parents but able to sort things out fairly well. He has developed a healthy dose of skepticism.

Kid #7 (aka Seriously, How Old Is This Kid? Will The Other Middle School Boys Tease Him About This?): This boy looks shocked, goes over to check his candy bag on the bed, and then slams his face into the sheets in bitter tears. He turns around, leans his head back, and wails in agony. My main concern here is that the boy does not appear to be THAT young. I would guess at least the sixth grade. Granted, the early hormones of oncoming puberty do lead to some interesting waterworks at times, but this kid is deeply hurt that his candy has been eaten. He never even questions the logic of the situation and he does not even try to twist it to his advantage. This kid is going to be pushed around quite a lot as he grows up. I am slightly worried that this will just further a victim mentality in this kid.

Kid #8 (aka That Was A Funny Trick Girl): This girl has a mildly unhappy face but then laughs when told it was all a trick. Kid #8 will be able to handle whatever life throws at her. She has a genuinely happy outlook and does not mind a few tricks. She likes to be able to laugh along and will do well.

Kid #9 (aka I Hate My Mom Girl): Girl runs away from her camera-happy mom who tries to justify it saying, "You know I like candy." When asked if she still loves her mom, she replies in the negative. This girl is going to have some serious trust issues with her mom, which may not be a bad thing considering how much her mom seems to enjoy this. I have a feeling this instance may induce the skepticism she needs to deal with the rest of life.

Kid #10 (aka I Have A Secret Stash Boy): The kid replies with a not-so-much-shocked-as-confused "What?" then rolls his eyes as his mom tries to explain that she gets really hungry since she is pregnant (kind of a "I've heard this before"). He then smiles, laughs, and goes off to his secret stash of Nerds. This kid I am not so sure about. On the one hand it seems that he can roll with the punches and be prepared in any situation - a cool kid who will do well. On the other hand he displays some remarkable similarities to a drug addict.

Kid # 11 (aka That Will Teach That Wall And Piece of Paper Boy): Kid slaps the wall and throws a piece of paper on the ground as he storms off angry. This kid is on the same road to anger-management as Kid #5.

Kids #12 and 13 (aka Sleepy Boy and Critic Girl): The boy just 'sleeps' through all of this but the girl shouts, cries, and tells her dad that he is ugly. The boy will continue in life as a disaffected teenager, then a disaffected college student, then a disaffected grad, etc. The girl will continue to deal with her anger (and situations that do not make her happy) by insulting them, thus trying to self-justify. Good luck with that one, parents.

Kids #14 and 15 (aka Math Prodigy and Are We Sure He Is Not A Teenager?): This one deserves a full transcript:

Mom - I ate all your candy. You have no-no more Halloween candy left.

14 - (Slightly whiny as he continues to scratch his belly.) What?

15 - (Lounging with his arms behind his head.) She ate it! The heck!? (Exasperated sigh.)

14 - Ahhhh . . .

Mom - Don't you guys think you ate enough candy last night?

15 - No! I only had like one bite of candy. Are you serious!? And then you ate the rest.

15 - (After an angry pause. Now with sarcasm!) Oh, good for you! Now you're gonna have-probably get a belly ache. (Pause.) That's why you shouldn't eat so much candy. Mom, that's two!

Mom - Two what?

15 - Two bags of candy.

14 - (Started while 15 was still talking.) Two plus two is-(pause to look at brother who just finished speaking, as 14 holds four fingers up)-Two plus two is (brother leans over to whisper to him) equals five!

15 - It's really four. You did - you were so close. (film break)

15 - Did you see how much I had? I went to a lot of houses.

Mom - I know. I ate it all, it tasted so good, especially the peanut butter cups.

14 - (Gasp of realization as 15 lifts his eyebrows.) YOU SNEAKY MOM!

These boys are going to be fine. #15 is definitely a little man as is. He makes sure to take care of and encourage his little brother. He has also mastered the art of sarcasm. I am mildly surprised that he did not make a comment about his mom's weight after the belly ache remark. The little brother is sweet and able to brush off things as they come. He also just enjoys being a part of the situation. These boys really deserve their own sitcom.

Although I am thankful for crazy things in my childhood that have brought me to where I am today, I really just wanted to share and comment on that video. I am thankful to Savannah for introducing me to the video, it gave me some good laughs and some things to analyze. I am also thankful that I have time to write this tonight (Saturday) and set it up to post tomorrow (Sunday) as I will be extremely busy then (teaching middle school Sunday School, church, Go Orange, eat/reorganize time, middle school youth, high school youth, talk to other youth leaders, get home late). At least I get an extra hour of sleep before that. Have a joyful Sunday!

PS - Yes, I know this is not a letter, but I came across something before I actually posted this. I do not want to call it an edit so much as an addendum. I found the original video of the last two boys. It serves to show that these kids figured their mom was a trickster but the kid in red is kind of sweet and concerned about his mom. He is actually pretty chill and logical. His mom may be dealing with another me - poor woman. At least they got some laughs out of it.

[1] Current reading: The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff.

[2] I'm afraid that this will disappear from YouTube after awhile.

A Walk Down Memory Lane Is Like A Walk Down Dysfunction Drive (Or, My Childhood in Silent Hill)

Please allow me to make a confession: I like the horror genre of games and movies. Note that I say horror and not necessarily gore. I actually enjoy the rush from identifying with the lead character's psychological torment and the complex yet oh so simple nature of fear [1]. As such, I get a kick out of the Silent Hill series of games which focus on a single player character's trials as they journey through their own guilty psyches in a custom-made limbo [2] around the terror town of Silent Hill. The games are designed with an amazingly eerie atmosphere of sights and sounds that remind you that you are so utterly alone [3]. The other night I decided to kick back and partake of Silent Hill 2 and I began to reflect on my childhood.

My current read is What Your Childhood Memories Say About You by Dr. Kevin Leman so the connection was not that big of a leap. Leman's basic premise is that your childhood memories can provide a basic look at your private logic as you essentially hold on to memories for specific, personal reasons. This is why I can't seem to remember for what I drove to the grocery but I can tell you about the time when I was four that I left a grocery store with a woman who looked like (but was not) my mother [4]. He also works in some great discussion of nature and nurture, focusing on how the nature leads to the specifics of nurture and how birth order can affect personality development [5].

Two of my earliest childhood memories [6] seem oddly reminiscent of the Silent Hill series. The first happened when I was about three or four. I was playing on my parents' unmade bed and slipped. Fortunately the sheets caught me before I busted my head open; unfortunately, I became trapped in a cocoon of those very same sheets. After squirming for a bit and deciding I was thoroughly trapped, I started shouting for mom to come and let me out. She never came. I continued at higher and higher volumes (and pitches) until it all seemed quite hopeless.

In the Silent Hill series, you're usually alone in the town. Sure, there may be other 'people,' but they are generally unhelpful and not the best company. The foggy city with many blocked paths and gratuitous use of fences provides the perfect atmosphere to make you fell isolated, trapped, and quite hopeless.

It was at that point, while wrapped in a pouch of sheets, that something in my young mind developed: "If I'm going to get out of this, then I will have to do it myself. I can't rely on anyone else to do it for me. It's up to me to solve my own problems - to find my own way." I then worked on a method of guess-and-check to figure a way out of the sheets. After who knows how long, I was free. I then found mom in the next room, completely oblivious to my prior plight [7]. Leman points out that only children typically have memories of "fierce independence" that are "often without anyone else in them" as well as "fearful memories" with themes of "making mistakes" and including "plenty of detail." Sounds like my memory in a nutshell.

The point of my memory, however, is that it awakened a necessary independence in me that has persisted to today. I typically solve my problems on my own and approach life's issues with an analytical mind. I also tend to apply that mind to help others. I have an "if it is to be, it is up to me" mentality that often leads me to take up tasks to help others without being asked (sometimes good, sometimes bad). For example, a few years ago I took over the sound and media at a church plant at which I was leading youth when the actual sound guy failed to show up the fourth week into it. It's about three years later and I'm still helping with sound at my current site's youth and adult services. I had to teach myself at first and eventually received some actual training. I will confess that it's not exactly something I like to do, but it is something I understand is necessary and will do as needed. We had a meeting this past Saturday and our head of media talked about needing to have a calling to that ministry. I guess I received my call back in that tangle of bedsheets. It's my natural inclination to independently jump in and try to fix things.

The other memory is actually a recurring dream (or nightmare) I've had since I was four [8]. In the dream, I'm stuck in this house. It seems very clean but very barren. No one else is visible. When I try to look out the window, I can't - as if there's nothing to look at. I know that the house has white siding but I never see it (odd thing to know but never see). I keep trying to find an exit and explore the house but I never find one. In one part of the house, which is filled with light through all of the windows, there is a dark room (with no windows). I try to go in and see what is in there. As I do, I get this horrid feeling like I'm not alone and then I feel like I'm moving. Suddenly, it's like the lights pop back on and I'm right back where I started in the entrance hall. I'm trapped and alone, but I'm not alone.

I'm sure a psychologist could find many things to comment on here but in the game Silent Hill: Shattered Memories, Harry Mason (the game's protagonist) at one point goes through such a room. It's like the developers scavenged my brain to find the most terrifying memory from my past. This memory sticks out to me because of the unease felt in the isolation. Going lucid didn't help. Even when I would stay and wait in the lighted rooms of the house, it was almost as if the dark room would seek me out and draw me into itself. The house was always unfamiliar and it seemed to change itself when I wasn't looking [9] so the dark room could show up right around the next corner or right behind me.

I can't say I've learned much from that dream other than I hate feeling trapped and I hate being messed with. It's somewhat like the movie Cube or the game Portal (or the Silent Hill series). Come to think of it, most of the games and movies I like seem to allow me to vicariously relive and, potentially, triumph over this nightmare. Hmmm . . .

Isn't it fun to self-analyze?

What are some of your childhood memories?

Heads up! I'll probably revisit this topic a few times. It's a good book.

[1] This may be due to or why I am such a fan of The Twilight Zone.

[2] Or Hell, depending on your interpretation.

[3] But not as alone as you wish you were.

[4] Thankfully she didn't want to take a little boy home for keeps but she did have ice cream in her bags so I probably wouldn't have minded.

[5] He seems to have me, my dad, my mom, and several others I know pegged in regard to his birth order theories. If you're looking for a birthday gift for me, I'd love to read his full book on birth order.

[6] Don't worry, they won't all be shared here.

[7] I have forgiven her for this. The radio was on and the kitchen window was open, allowing the screams of youth soccer to fill the house.

[8] Most likely one of the nightmares that was brought on by a head injury I received at daycare that led to many years of EEGs, CAT scans, and seizure fears.

[9] Think of the stairs at Hogwarts.